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Chris Distefano’s Parents Had Already Prepared For His Failure

Dinesh Shrestha

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Chris Distefano doesn’t hesitate when he cracks jokes on stage at his parents’ expense. The Brooklyn comedian was born to an Italian father and an Irish mother.

Thankfully, the jokes about his parents are hilarious, making them worth possibly upsetting his folks. From his dad being a mafia to his mom wanting him to get an education, these jokes tell much about his childhood.

Chris’ Parents Made Him Have a Backup Plan

“They prepared me to fail very well. I think my mom and dad did a good job,” Chris Distefano talked about his parents in an interview with Vinnie Brand.

The comedian was in his teens when he started to get ideas for doing comedy. However, he stepped foot on the stand-up stage when he was 24.

Chris’ mother, who was all about education, wasn’t sure that comedy would work for him, so she made a deal with him. She told him he could live in the house and do whatever he wanted as long as he went to school.

His mother wanted to get him an education so he could secure his future. Thus, making good of his parents’ wishes, he became a physical therapist after graduating.

At 24, before earning his physical therapy degree, he told his mom he really wanted to do stand-up and asked if she could pay for a stand-up comedy class.

Chris started going on stage once a week and later began doing stand-up comedy daily.

He believed that being a comedian was like being an athlete. He wanted to build his career as a stand-up comedian, so he dedicated long hours to it.

Both of his parents are now happy with his comedy ventures. They are extremely supportive and proud of what he has achieved.

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Chris’ Mom Survived 9/11 

On September 9, 2011, when the 9/11 incident happened, Chris DiStefano’s mother worked at the second tower.

The comedian was in the Catholic High School where other boys said the towers were hit. He did not know if his mother was alive or dead.

So, he got emotional and started to cry. When he was crying, one kid named Frank began to laugh at him.

No second thought – he instantly broke a chair over his head. As a result, he was expelled from the school on the same day.

Although Chris was expelled, he decided to go to school on Thursday. When he tried to walk in like nothing happened, the principal asked him to leave as he was expelled.

Chris Distefano’s mom and dad [Photo: Instagram]

Despite asking multiple times, Distefano was not allowed inside the school. Since his mom was pretty shaken from the incident, he decided to call his dad, Tony DiStefano, and tell him what had happened.

Chris Distefano’s Father Is an Ex-Criminal

Talking about his dad on Joe Rogan’s podcast, Chris said, “My dad, great guy, my father really great guy but you know a street guy like a Bronx real street guy.”

Further continuing the story, he called his father on Thursday morning and said he had terrible news. Then he detailed that he was expelled from the school.

Chris’ old man asked him if anybody saw him doing it, to which he replied he did it in front of the whole class. So, Tony said he would get there in 30 minutes.

Chris’ father lived on Staten Island, and it would take two hours with traffic to reach Chris’ school in Queens.

But somehow, 45 minutes later, his dad appeared, wearing a New York Yankees batting practice jacket and a huge chain with an extra-large cup of coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

Chris Distefano at the theater on the first night of the Midwest run [Photo: Instagram]

Tony asked Chris to do everything he told him to do. So, the father-son duo walked past the secretary and went directly to the principal’s office. The principal was on the phone, and his dad asked him to talk to him.

At the time, the principal was on the phone, but his dad just hung up on the phone. The comedian’s father said that Chris allegedly hit somebody in the head with the chair.

Chris’s father requested the principal not to expel him from the school and asked if there was another way. No matter what Tony said, the principal did not budge.

So, the comedian’s old man rolled out some money in front of the principal and asked him not to throw Chris out of the school.

The principal replied, “Are you stupid?” which really offended him and hurt his feelings.

Chris’ Father gave the Principal Two Options

The word “stupid” angered Chris DiStefano’s dad off, so he told Chris to lock the door. Then, he gave two options to the principal and warned him that the second option would be bad for him.

The first option was to put his son back to school, and the second was to break his kneecaps.

His father said he would call 911 and give them his social security number, name, and address. Because he would instead go to jail for the rest of his life and be back to his friends than listen to his mother about it.

The principal just put him right back to school. And his dad said, ” What we’ll do is he gets detention before and after school and he’s thrown off the basketball team.” He also asked if that would work for the principal, to which he replied it would.

So, Chris did that for his senior year of school. He later revealed that his dad and the principal later became friends.

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Chris Distefano’s Dad: A Man with Right Intentions But Wrong Move

The Brooklyn-based comedian Chris Distefano mentioned his old man as a great dad. He said his father always had the right intention but the wrong move.

Chris has shared about one of the instances. Once when he was 15, his mom dated his best friend’s dad. But he dumped her and started to date another woman.

Seeing this, the comedian’s mom got emotional and started to cry. Then his father asked Chris what happened to her. He explained all things to his dad.

Surprisingly, his father said, “You gonna do something about that.” But, he was just 15 years at the time.

Brooklyn comedian Chris Distefano [Photo: Instagram]

So, his father told him not to come outside. He went to Chris’ friend’s house and rang the bell. The man came out, and Tony dragged him by the collar and started punching him in the face.

As the comedian said, his intention was right but stepped into the wrong move.

Half-Truths and Hilarious Exaggerations: The Comedy Tales of His Father

The comedian eventually clarified that stories about his father that he tells on his comedy sets are half made up and half true.

Tony (his father) was in jail when Chris was born because of running around with the wrong people, gambling debts, and beating the guy.

However, his dad is now a different person because Chris’ mom completely changed him. “I definitely have my dad, and then I have my comedy dad,” Chris Distefano said.

Further, he detailed that fifty percent is him making up the stories and fifty percent is his dad. Nevertheless, his jokes about his parents are hilarious.

Chris Distefano’s Dad’s Great Parental Advice

Although the comedian’s father was a gambling addict, he didn’t want him to get addicted to anything. Once, Chris went through a very tough point in his life.

Chris’ girlfriend was dating someone after they broke up. It was very hard for him then, so he continuously dated different women.

Then his father approached him and said, “You’re got an addiction problem Chris.” He knew Chris had been chasing women all night.

“You can beat the house 99 times out of a hundred, you beat them clean 99 out of 100. The one time the house wins, which is inevitably gonna happen, negates the other 99,” his father said.

Chris’ old man added, “You’re meeting all these strangers, bring all these strangers into your life. 99 out of 100 great, no problem, all good. The one stranger that has it in her head that she needs to ruin your life for whatever reason has a baby, says you did this, says you did that, it’s going to negate all.

The comedian’s father said, “You need to limit your probability and stop bringing all these women into your life, and you need to figure out how to go be with the mother of your children.”

It’s fantastic fatherly advice. Chris still follows his old man’s words. His parents now enjoy splendid times together. They are loving grandparents and enjoy time with their grandbabies.